im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
