You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
