I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
