He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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