I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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