just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
