I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
