you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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