He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
