i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
