Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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