I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
