I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
