fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
