This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
