Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
