We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
