Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
