so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
