K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
