And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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