plz talk dirty to me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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