ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
