I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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