butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
