fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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