"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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