last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
