i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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