Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
