he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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