I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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