Cold hands, warm shart.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
