So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
