I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
