ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
