WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
