We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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