The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
