You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My liver just broke up with me...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
