Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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