please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
