I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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