some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
