i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
