Moan for me like Helen Keller
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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