Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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