she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
