did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did you just see the Batmobile???
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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