He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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